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[ Another gut punch, not painful, just realising what's being given to him. Buck didn't just walk into his life and stick around from day one, Steve pushed him out. He was persistent, patient, and letting him in was the best decision Steve ever made. You'd be surprised how easy it is — He wouldn't be. He never apologised for being hard-headed, and about as easy to stop as continental drift. None of those things about him have ever bothered Sam, who doesn't weather them with patience, but takes up the missing place and walks with him. ]
What if I did?
[ What if he did a lot more than that, too? He swallows. ]
What if I did?
[ What if he did a lot more than that, too? He swallows. ]
You ever realize you only have a poker face when you're actually playing poker?
[It's a glib comment tossed out there to hide the way Sam's heart is suddenly going about twice as fast as before. He'd had his eyes on Steve's throat in that moment—just because they go there sometimes, it's hard to look away from Steve anyway, let alone after a run when he's still a little slick—and he hadn't missed that hard swallow, like there's more than just sticking around.
It's incredible that Sam's hand isn't shaking when he moves it an extra few inches and sets it over Steve's.]
Yeah. What if you did?
[It's a glib comment tossed out there to hide the way Sam's heart is suddenly going about twice as fast as before. He'd had his eyes on Steve's throat in that moment—just because they go there sometimes, it's hard to look away from Steve anyway, let alone after a run when he's still a little slick—and he hadn't missed that hard swallow, like there's more than just sticking around.
It's incredible that Sam's hand isn't shaking when he moves it an extra few inches and sets it over Steve's.]
Yeah. What if you did?
Sam, I'm —
[ What's he going to do? He doesn't withdraw his hand, in fact, he realised he's taken Sam's, at once, comfortably holding it. Sam's heart is as loud as his own, and somehow that's a little settling, knowing there's something they both have to protect. But even like this, he has the wild, crazy idea to jump. ]
[ What's he going to do? He doesn't withdraw his hand, in fact, he realised he's taken Sam's, at once, comfortably holding it. Sam's heart is as loud as his own, and somehow that's a little settling, knowing there's something they both have to protect. But even like this, he has the wild, crazy idea to jump. ]
We could work.
[He's quieter now and it comes out a little breathless. He's trying to keep it all inside, the way he's kept everything inside for months, but he's rapidly losing that battle now. Sam twists his hand and laces their fingers, marveling again at how warm he always is, how solid.]
Steve. Stay. I'm already missing you.
[He's quieter now and it comes out a little breathless. He's trying to keep it all inside, the way he's kept everything inside for months, but he's rapidly losing that battle now. Sam twists his hand and laces their fingers, marveling again at how warm he always is, how solid.]
Steve. Stay. I'm already missing you.
We already work.
[ It's a gentle correction, the planting of a tree by the river of truth. He puts his shield down here. He gets to be himself. ]
[ And in that very moment the decision becomes blissfully clear. From staring at the subject line to the words of a message, to trying to force out the words, treading so carefully, the path from here to the end opens up, and all Steve has to do is walk it. He hasn't even showered, hasn't finished his meal, but all of that folds and fades in what he wants to do. ]
[ Steve stands, tugging Sam once, deliberate, allowing no space between them. His arm curls around him, keeping him there. Just looking at him for a moment, ignoring his heart going a mile a minute. ]
I smell. But I should have done this a long time ago.
[ A little apologetic, but he can apologise for it with the kiss, leaning in to capture Sam completely. ]
[ It's a gentle correction, the planting of a tree by the river of truth. He puts his shield down here. He gets to be himself. ]
[ And in that very moment the decision becomes blissfully clear. From staring at the subject line to the words of a message, to trying to force out the words, treading so carefully, the path from here to the end opens up, and all Steve has to do is walk it. He hasn't even showered, hasn't finished his meal, but all of that folds and fades in what he wants to do. ]
[ Steve stands, tugging Sam once, deliberate, allowing no space between them. His arm curls around him, keeping him there. Just looking at him for a moment, ignoring his heart going a mile a minute. ]
I smell. But I should have done this a long time ago.
[ A little apologetic, but he can apologise for it with the kiss, leaning in to capture Sam completely. ]
[If Steve hadn't acted, Sam had been on the verge of it himself, but it's still a shock when Steve pulls him into his arms so suddenly. He has a moment to look openly surprised, hopeful, before Steve kisses him and everything goes quiet.
The hell if Steve thinks it makes a difference that he hasn't showered. Sam presses up against him as close as he can, curls his fingers around the nape of Steve's neck, and kisses back, pours himself into it, the months of sidelong looks and little aches and how much he wants this, Steve has to know.]
The hell if Steve thinks it makes a difference that he hasn't showered. Sam presses up against him as close as he can, curls his fingers around the nape of Steve's neck, and kisses back, pours himself into it, the months of sidelong looks and little aches and how much he wants this, Steve has to know.]
[ Steve realises — like being caught under a waterfall — and feels a little rueful for it. Time lost, that's never settled well on him. He already slept for seventy years in an iceberg, months, minutes, he hates to waste. ]
[ But Sam's warm against him, steady, inviting, and he returns the kiss as hungrily, as sweetly. Steve's kissed all of three people in his life and it's only this that's been deliberate, for all his clumsiness he hopes the strength of his conviction comes through. ]
[ But Sam's warm against him, steady, inviting, and he returns the kiss as hungrily, as sweetly. Steve's kissed all of three people in his life and it's only this that's been deliberate, for all his clumsiness he hopes the strength of his conviction comes through. ]
[It feels like it goes on forever and that he needs to pull away to breathe almost as soon as it starts, but when Sam does lift his head to take a breath, he stays close, fingers in Steve's hair and his other arm wrapped firmly around Steve's waist, as if he could keep him there if Steve decided to move. But he doesn't think Steve's gonna move.]
Damn. I coulda been doing that this whole time? I hope you know we got a lot of catching up to do.
[He only wishes that came out smooth, like a player, and not breathless and sappy, but it's definitely more on the breathless-and-sappy side. But he's got Steve's ridiculously firm arm around his waist, and everything else about him is just as ridiculously firm as Sam had always imagined, he's allowed.]
Damn. I coulda been doing that this whole time? I hope you know we got a lot of catching up to do.
[He only wishes that came out smooth, like a player, and not breathless and sappy, but it's definitely more on the breathless-and-sappy side. But he's got Steve's ridiculously firm arm around his waist, and everything else about him is just as ridiculously firm as Sam had always imagined, he's allowed.]
Yeah, [ he murmurs, to say it against Sam's mouth, ] Sorry about that.
[ Smooth enough. Steve's body betrays him: he feels a little like he can't breathe, but he's still standing up. Still close to Sam. ]
Do you uh — want to finish breakfast and join me in the shower?
[ Is that moving too fast? He's not sure. He feels plenty comfortable changing around Sam, it's the Army in them. Being close to him isn't new, being close to him like this feels exhilarating, like jumping, falling without a parachute. ]
[ Smooth enough. Steve's body betrays him: he feels a little like he can't breathe, but he's still standing up. Still close to Sam. ]
Do you uh — want to finish breakfast and join me in the shower?
[ Is that moving too fast? He's not sure. He feels plenty comfortable changing around Sam, it's the Army in them. Being close to him isn't new, being close to him like this feels exhilarating, like jumping, falling without a parachute. ]
[It's possible that Sam's brain actually whites out for a second or two with that invitation. He'd be lying if he hadn't imagined climbing in there and making his feelings known when he'd heard the shower running, but despite his libido and how much he wants to say god yes right now, he takes a breath to steady himself.]
I really do, let me start with that, in fact the hell with breakfast, but.
[His fingers cup Steve's impossible jaw and he skates his thumb along Steve's cheek.]
I'm not about doing anything until you're ready. Don't get me wrong, I would like nothing more than getting my hands on you. But you don't need to rush anything because you think you kept me waiting. I kept you waiting just as long. ...how long ago should you have done that, by the way?
I really do, let me start with that, in fact the hell with breakfast, but.
[His fingers cup Steve's impossible jaw and he skates his thumb along Steve's cheek.]
I'm not about doing anything until you're ready. Don't get me wrong, I would like nothing more than getting my hands on you. But you don't need to rush anything because you think you kept me waiting. I kept you waiting just as long. ...how long ago should you have done that, by the way?
[ Steve leans into it at once, watching Sam intently. ]
I don't know. Maybe that morning we had fresh strawberries with the pancakes.
[ Maybe even before then. Steve doesn't know, it feels like Sam was always there, will always be here, even as Steve knows with clarity what life was like before him, and what life might be like if he's not there. ]
I don't know, [ he offers, honestly, ] what do you want? Should we go out for a candlelit dinner?
[ People in the War never took long, and people in this century don't, either. But all of this missed Steve by, having always had Buck arrange dates, and after... after there wasn't time or inclination. Peggy was ill by the time he awoke, and there wasn't anything there but regret. Baby steps, he knows, but Steve wouldn't be Steve if he didn't barrel through (or try to) at least a solid ninety percent of what was in front of him. ]
I don't know. Maybe that morning we had fresh strawberries with the pancakes.
[ Maybe even before then. Steve doesn't know, it feels like Sam was always there, will always be here, even as Steve knows with clarity what life was like before him, and what life might be like if he's not there. ]
I don't know, [ he offers, honestly, ] what do you want? Should we go out for a candlelit dinner?
[ People in the War never took long, and people in this century don't, either. But all of this missed Steve by, having always had Buck arrange dates, and after... after there wasn't time or inclination. Peggy was ill by the time he awoke, and there wasn't anything there but regret. Baby steps, he knows, but Steve wouldn't be Steve if he didn't barrel through (or try to) at least a solid ninety percent of what was in front of him. ]
Those were really good pancakes.
[Sam leans in again for a softer kiss, strangely aware of the way everything seems a lot less urgent suddenly. They don't need to go out on a bunch of dates, that much he knows. They can, sure, but once you've pulled someone's ass out of the fire multiple times, the white tablecloth route doesn't seem that important a step. And he doesn't want to lose what they have, he just wants to add to it.]
You want to wine and dine me, I won't say no to that, but this is what I want. Dinner, hell, I want to bring you to Atlanta for Christmas, you and me and as many cookies as we can fit in the car.
[Sam leans in again for a softer kiss, strangely aware of the way everything seems a lot less urgent suddenly. They don't need to go out on a bunch of dates, that much he knows. They can, sure, but once you've pulled someone's ass out of the fire multiple times, the white tablecloth route doesn't seem that important a step. And he doesn't want to lose what they have, he just wants to add to it.]
You want to wine and dine me, I won't say no to that, but this is what I want. Dinner, hell, I want to bring you to Atlanta for Christmas, you and me and as many cookies as we can fit in the car.
[ Steve lets him lead this time, replying in kind when he initiates. There's time to learn how Sam likes to be kissed, to be touched, what he wants. ]
[ He wouldn't object to Sam in a suit. Hell, he sees it now clear as day, something that fits in all the right places, and he has to stop and consciously remember how to breathe. And, ]
Your mother's there, right?
[ He wouldn't object to Sam in a suit. Hell, he sees it now clear as day, something that fits in all the right places, and he has to stop and consciously remember how to breathe. And, ]
Your mother's there, right?
Yeah, Mom's there, and one of my aunts, and my grandmother. It's Grand Central for the holidays down there.
[Maybe it'll be too much. There are a lot of people, they'll all be dying of curiosity to see who Sam had deemed worthy of bringing with him, and when they find out it's Captain America...but maybe if Steve says yes, he'll have enough time to get people used to the idea, so when they arrive, Steve can just be Steve.
He presses a kiss to the edge of Steve's jaw and decides to do that as often as possible now that he's allowed.]
I was planning on asking you down anyway, even before this. Wasn't sure what kind of Christmas plans you'd have lined up. They might be a lot though, you don't need to answer right away.
[Maybe it'll be too much. There are a lot of people, they'll all be dying of curiosity to see who Sam had deemed worthy of bringing with him, and when they find out it's Captain America...but maybe if Steve says yes, he'll have enough time to get people used to the idea, so when they arrive, Steve can just be Steve.
He presses a kiss to the edge of Steve's jaw and decides to do that as often as possible now that he's allowed.]
I was planning on asking you down anyway, even before this. Wasn't sure what kind of Christmas plans you'd have lined up. They might be a lot though, you don't need to answer right away.
I do want to meet your family.
[ That, he's absolutely sure on, even without — the situation having changed. Sam's family rings the same as Buck's, a whole brood, and he feels a twinge of guilt having died on them in the last week of the war. Mrs. Barnes always thought of him as her son, especially after his mother died. ]
But you're right, it's a lot to think about.
[ Christmas without Bucky, when he's out there, enjoying warmth and festivities while he imagines whatever horrifying place his best friend is in — no-go. ]
[ That, he's absolutely sure on, even without — the situation having changed. Sam's family rings the same as Buck's, a whole brood, and he feels a twinge of guilt having died on them in the last week of the war. Mrs. Barnes always thought of him as her son, especially after his mother died. ]
But you're right, it's a lot to think about.
[ Christmas without Bucky, when he's out there, enjoying warmth and festivities while he imagines whatever horrifying place his best friend is in — no-go. ]
Oh, you'll meet 'em. It doesn't need to be then, we'll figure something out. No rush.
[Sam runs a hand up Steve's back, slow and soothing, and then gets a little distracted by the realization that he's allowed now to get a little distracted by how solid Steve is under his hand.]
...really starting to regret being such a selfless, stand-up guy.
[It's possible he's distracted enough that he doesn't realize he'd said that aloud.]
[Sam runs a hand up Steve's back, slow and soothing, and then gets a little distracted by the realization that he's allowed now to get a little distracted by how solid Steve is under his hand.]
...really starting to regret being such a selfless, stand-up guy.
[It's possible he's distracted enough that he doesn't realize he'd said that aloud.]
You can't fight your nature.
[ The compliment is gentle, warm, and the absolute, heartfelt truth. ]
I promise to make it up to you, [ as he catches Sam's hands and raises them to his lips to kiss at the knuckles. Sam's been there for him without complaint, and there's an allure in being able to pay him back now. ] all right?
[ The compliment is gentle, warm, and the absolute, heartfelt truth. ]
I promise to make it up to you, [ as he catches Sam's hands and raises them to his lips to kiss at the knuckles. Sam's been there for him without complaint, and there's an allure in being able to pay him back now. ] all right?
[Does anyone not blush a little when Steve Rogers gives them a real compliment like that? Coupled with that earnest look? Sam definitely feels his cheeks get warm, like he's twelve goddamn years old, especially when Steve kisses his hands like some gallant knight six centuries head of his time.]
Yeah, all right. Twist my arm. Hey, I'm serious though.
[He lowers his hands enough to meet Steve's eye without any distractions.]
You don't need to overthink this one. I fell for you a long time ago, just watching you be you. I won't need a whole lot of wooing.
Yeah, all right. Twist my arm. Hey, I'm serious though.
[He lowers his hands enough to meet Steve's eye without any distractions.]
You don't need to overthink this one. I fell for you a long time ago, just watching you be you. I won't need a whole lot of wooing.
What if I wanted to do some wooing?
[ Playfully contrary, as a boyish grin lights his face. Sam didn't say no to being wined and dined, and if Steve has to suffer the mental image of him in a suit, they can face that together too. ]
What if I wanted to be a little old-fashioned?
[ Playfully contrary, as a boyish grin lights his face. Sam didn't say no to being wined and dined, and if Steve has to suffer the mental image of him in a suit, they can face that together too. ]
What if I wanted to be a little old-fashioned?
...all right, maybe I don't need to overthink this one.
[Maybe he'd been overshooting by thinking they should just fold this into what they already had. They've hiked through abandoned HYDRA bases all over Eastern Europe, that kind of thing gets you close to a person already, but maybe this is something that they could do the straightforward way.
If he'd thought it was difficult before, it's going to be agony keeping his hands off Steve now.]
Okay, yeah. Take me out somewhere. I clean up pretty nice.
[Maybe he'd been overshooting by thinking they should just fold this into what they already had. They've hiked through abandoned HYDRA bases all over Eastern Europe, that kind of thing gets you close to a person already, but maybe this is something that they could do the straightforward way.
If he'd thought it was difficult before, it's going to be agony keeping his hands off Steve now.]
Okay, yeah. Take me out somewhere. I clean up pretty nice.
I'll think about it.
[ It can come as a surprise, a dinner invitation, a place Steve's looked into booking that he doesn't have to use any Captain America muscle for. Sometimes it's nice when that makes his life easier, but he foresees in times like these he'd prefer to be low key. ]
Hey, you can take the lead as much as you want, too.
[ It's not like he's ever done this before. ]
[ It can come as a surprise, a dinner invitation, a place Steve's looked into booking that he doesn't have to use any Captain America muscle for. Sometimes it's nice when that makes his life easier, but he foresees in times like these he'd prefer to be low key. ]
Hey, you can take the lead as much as you want, too.
[ It's not like he's ever done this before. ]
Oh, I can, huh?
[In that case, Steve's getting kissed again, slow and lazy, a thorough exploration with Sam's tongue teasing along the curve of his lower lip. It might be tough to find the balance between comfortably old fashioned and reasonably modern, but as long as Steve knows he's allowed to put the brakes anything that's moving too fast, Sam is absolutely going to push.
Steve's the one who had invited him into the shower, after all. And while he'd wanted to make sure first that the offer wasn't because of assumptions that that should happen next, it isn't like Sam doesn't really want to take him up on it.]
[In that case, Steve's getting kissed again, slow and lazy, a thorough exploration with Sam's tongue teasing along the curve of his lower lip. It might be tough to find the balance between comfortably old fashioned and reasonably modern, but as long as Steve knows he's allowed to put the brakes anything that's moving too fast, Sam is absolutely going to push.
Steve's the one who had invited him into the shower, after all. And while he'd wanted to make sure first that the offer wasn't because of assumptions that that should happen next, it isn't like Sam doesn't really want to take him up on it.]
I encourage it.
[ Especially if it means this, Sam's mouth warm against his own, his heart fluttering in Steve's ears. His fingers tighten a little on Sam's waist, almost pushing him against the table with his eagerness to meet him in kind. ]
So, what about that shower?
[ Especially if it means this, Sam's mouth warm against his own, his heart fluttering in Steve's ears. His fingers tighten a little on Sam's waist, almost pushing him against the table with his eagerness to meet him in kind. ]
So, what about that shower?
Yeah.
[Breathless again and not even caring this time, because it turns out getting crowded against his kitchen table by Steve's hips is something he'll never get used to and wants to feel a lot more often.]
Always wanted to test out just how much hot water I have.
[Breathless again and not even caring this time, because it turns out getting crowded against his kitchen table by Steve's hips is something he'll never get used to and wants to feel a lot more often.]
Always wanted to test out just how much hot water I have.
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